Forget Me Nots and the Taste of Rot
by ellemarchen
Summary: It's the taste of rot and the smell of forget-me-nots and somehow, somehow, Rokujou Miharu still thinks it's not enough.


Fandom: Naruto & Nabari no Ou Crossover  
Title: Forget-Me-Nots and the Taste of Rot  
Author: hana-akira AKA rurichi  
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst  
Character: Rokujou Miharu  
Rating: 17+  
Warning: OOC, doesn't-follow-Canon  
Prompt: Miharu as a ninja of Konoha after the Shinrabanshou affair and tarot cards.  
Summary: It's the taste of rot and the smell of forget-me-nots and somehow, somehow, Rokujou Miharu still thinks it's not enough.

A/N: Implied!YoitexMiharu, implied!HashiramaxMiharu, implied!TobiramaxMiharu

—

1: I wake to find something rotting in my mouth and I find out that I have died after all but still haven't forgot.

—

When he comes to, the sight that greets him is a white ceiling in a room of white smelling like anesthesia and what's on the tip of his tongue is the taste of something rotting. He is in a hospital room, hooked up to a machine, and he cannot feel a thing.

He doesn't know how he got there or why he's alone, but he knows very well that this situation _isn't right_. It's wrong, so wrong on so many levels that he doesn't even know where to start although he knows personally that it's usually best to start from the beginning. But where to begin, where to start? He's lost in a place of white in a place he doesn't know, foreign and nothing familiar at all to jog his memory.

What had been the last thing on his mind?

He tries to wrack his memory, force himself to remember something in this numbness, and recollects instantly.

_Shinrabanshou(1). Wish. _**Yoite.**

His stomach lurches and he wants to throw up, but doesn't because there's nothing in his stomach to spit out except for his own blood. His mouth dry, his eyes even drier, the images of blood, Yoite's _blood_, painting a vivid piece of art in his mind (He wants to curl into himself, block out the whole world and universe, and never ever wake up again. And he thinks for a split second—)

'_This must be what defeat tastes like.'_

Rokujou Miharu wakes up to his death and finds to his horror that he doesn't want to remember anything at all.

There is an ashy taste in his mouth and Miharu thinks that it tastes explicitly like the ashes the burnt forget-me-nots leave. He falls asleep again with the intimate taste of failure and regret on his lips and in his mouth and tries not to breathe.

(The machine beside him beats like a heartbeat and Miharu wishes desperately in his dreams that everything had been just a nightmare, but knows resignedly that it's not meant to be.)

The bandage around his head hurts and Miharu knows deep down, in this lonely and unknown place, that this is the first time he wants to curse.

—

2: And I wake again to find that nothing has changed except for the fact that there are actually people this time to greet me.

—

Rokujou Miharu wakes up again, this time with doctors, nurses, and an old man by his side. Nothing much is really different except that this time there are people this time to bustle around him, though it seemed that they were more interested in the machines than in him.

His forest green eyes are open and a nurse nearby squeaks in surprise like a mouse that has just met a cat (The thought of Shiratama hurts, hurts in a way that sinks like there's lead or mercury in his stomach, but Miharu knows how to act indifferently on the outside even though on the inside it really hurts.) He stares despondently and all the nurses and doctors are in a flurry ('Like a snowstorm,' Miharu thinks belatedly and amusedly) when it finally registers in their heads that the patient on the hospital bed is actually _awake_ and **alive**. Chaos and pandemonium ensues.

"It's not possible. Him being awake; it's just not possible—"

"He was in a coma for only a day. How was he able to wake up so fast?"

"Doctor! His blood type—none of us could recognize his blood type. None of ours matched to whatever his was—"

"He lost at least _five liters of blood_. How is he even still alive?"

"This is a phenomena. We pumped all different types of blood and his body accepted all of them—"

"It has to be a Bloodline Limit. That's the only explanation that a 14-year-old boy on his deathbed could have even had survived—"

"Would one of you girls get a food tray already? The poor dear is probably starving and tired from his ordeal—"

"Hokage-sama?"

The old man sits in a chair quietly smiling by his side while everyone else runs like headless chickens—squawking in panic and not at all staying calm like their professions demanded them to be. He is serene like a peaceful lake, but Miharu knows right away that this man is nothing like Hattori Tojuro (Because Hattori was a wolf, a wolf inside a sheep's skin that smiled guilelessly with dying eyes while this man was a tree, a great oak whose branches reached for the sun and sky, whose roots entrenched themselves into the earth to remind itself to not get close to heaven and whose smile and eyes were like starlight.) The man, noticing the forest green eyes that stare up at him, tilts his head downwards and smiles like a grandfather looking upon his grandchild, his eyes curious yet homely and welcoming and warm.

This man ('Hokage-sama?' Miharu rolls the word on his tongue mentally in his head and finds that he likes it) is nothing at all like Hattori Tojuro (He's more like Grandma and the thoughts of tasty okonomiyaki and tacky clothes makes Miharu wish he was home again) and so Miharu doesn't find it hard at all to smile slightly and say—

"Good morning, Hokage-sama."

The old man is surprised, but quickly returns the greeting he is given with equal emotion, smiling softly at the green-eyed youth.

"Good morning, Haru-kun(2)."

(As the sweet smell of forget-me-nots waft through the air of the room like some sort of perfume, Miharu can't help but think that even though everything seems like it's going to be okay, it's not going to get any better.)

—

3: And this strange man asks me seriously, "Are you not afraid of death?"

—

He thinks he should probably be worried and afraid when all the people in the room suddenly go hush-hush, but he can't find it in himself to care (Much because it's too hard to care about every little thing, too difficult to worry, too _much_ to feel when in the end you know you're only going to get _hurt_, anyway.) All the doctors look away, as though in shame, and all the nurses look on as though in fear as a tall, dark, and imposing man in black steps into the room. They are all scared, except for the old man who now has no smile on his face and only a serious countenance, and Miharu knows in this moment that this man in the black trenchcoat and black bandanna means _business_ (What kind is another thing altogether, but Miharu knows how to tread softly, knows when to lie and tell the truth enough that it's not foolhardy or stupid. He's not a little devil for nothing and so he knows how to play dangerously even though he doesn't know what his stakes or chances are.)

The man stands at the end of his hospital bed, all scars and tanned skin, the seriousness on his face not betraying any other emotion, and begins asking questions.

"What is your name?" "Rokujou Miharu."

"How old are you?" "14 years old."

"Where did you come from?" "Banten Village."

"What is your profession?" "Student at the local school."

"What were you taught there?" "Math, art, writing, and anything else that passed our guardians' fancies."

Similar questions are asked; some personal, some random, but it only takes Miharu to know after the fifth question that this is an interrogation and that he's in an unfamiliar ninja village for it all to click in his head that he might be in trouble (Because he has the Shinrabanshou—or, well, had, but still. Ninjas are ninjas and all ninjas are trouble.)

He doesn't tell anything that might make him be a ninja ("We had a rudimentary form of physical education that involved exercises, running, and sports, but nothing else.") or what weapons a ninja could use ("Kunai? Don't we call those knives? And senbon(3) used as projectiles? I thought they're used for acupuncture?") It's easy to keep a straight face and a tone that sounds like he's just talking about the weather and he knows he's frustrating the man with his answers (After all, who liked having their questions answered with even more questions? Nobody, but it's fun to piss the older man off.)

The old man doesn't say anything during the interrogation, just watch on the sidelines with the doctors and the nurses, but Miharu knows from the corner of his eyes that the old man does not approve (There is a perpetual frown on his face though it does once in awhile twitch a little when he gives a sassy answer or two, but it does nothing else, as though in apprehension or in resignation.)

The strange man in black and scars asks him, "Are you not afraid of death?" and Miharu knows deep in his heart that he's not afraid and that he never has been. Not even now even though he knows what the older man actually means is, "Are you not afraid to die by my hand in case you lie to me?"

(He's not afraid because he knows that death is a part of life and so he responds to the man with the bandanna and scar-faced features only one sentence with clear forest green eyes, a casual voice, and a smooth face—)

"I'm not alive so I'm not afraid to die."(4)

(Only a deafening silence is acknowledged by his words and Miharu knows that they know that this is his ultimatum and that they accept. He knows this like the scent of forget-me-nots that are everywhere and the taste of rot that's starting to taste like the countdown to outlived years. He knows this, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.)

The scarred man's lips twist into a bittersweet smile and Miharu can't help but think that the man is exactly like Yukimi (Yukimi who's probably gone now, just like everyone else. Yukimi who always had called him a brat, a mischievous devil in disguise. Yukimi who cared for both him and Yoite. Yukimi who he probably can never go back to the apartment to and never have lemon tea together again.)

It hurts, knowing that this time he's most likely lost forever because of the Shinrabanshou and that everyone else is almost certainly gone because of it, but he is a survivor and he will live if only for the memory of others (Last time he couldn't remember very well of the ones who sacrificed themselves for him, but this time he'll remember, remember every little detail, because he knows that this time no one else will.)

—

4: If I could only make a deal with God…

—

The next moments are a blur, all hazy and vague like a heat wave on the hottest day of summer, but Miharu doesn't let it bother him because he knows that the season is still spring (Early spring, very early because he can see the cherry blossom petals everywhere and it's only in the early part of spring that such beauty blooms.) The old man grasps his left hand (The hand that's closer to his heart) in his own (Weathered with smooth, tan with pale) and brings him to a room that has windows all around ("My office," the old man wryly smiles in a gentle way) in a burst of smoke ('Ninjutsu,' Miharu thinks and he is right.)

They are in front of each other, the old man in his red and white robes and hat and Miharu himself in a loose, long-sleeved white shirt and pants. They stand face-to-face, one smiling and the other indifferent, but both know that this is a moment of reckoning.

"My name is Sarutobi Hiruzen and I am the God of Shinobi(5). Shall we make a deal, Rokujou Miharu-kun?" The old man says plainly and Miharu knows again that the man is not lying (He had been the Shinrabanshou and so he knew everything—everything about anything and nothing and all the other things in-between. He knows because he was the universe, the wisdom and the knowledge of the whole world, and so he knows that what's being given to him is a chance, if nothing else.)

Miharu knows and so his answer is obvious.

"I accept, Sarutobi Hiruzen." And the hands that are held together are squeezed in reassurance and comfort and in warmth.

They lay down their terms and make unbreakable promises because Hiruzen knew exactly what Miharu was and Miharu knew exactly what Hiruzen is. They know, both of them even though it's only vaguely, but both know enough that they can trust.

(And so Miharu becomes the Professor's Apprentice and Hiruzen becomes the only mortal man to have the Shinrabanshou's vessel as a brother-in-arms.)

He is young and the man is old and the deal they make is only between the Shinrabanshou and a God, but Miharu still thinks it won't be enough (Because he can still taste something that's rotting, still smell the forget-me-nots withering, and it _hurts_.)

Hiruzen can only smile sadly in a silence that wholeheartedly agrees.

—

5: I open the door and this room looks like it's been occupied before.

—

He is given an apartment all of his own, one with its own kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and living room all in top-notch condition—roomy yet homely. He knows that he is given this because of his mission.

_("There is a boy who is a Genin, 12-years-old, who lives in the apartment above yours. I need you to look after him. I have already sent a message to his Jounin-sensei that you will be joining his team and who you are."_

"_But not what I am?"_

"_It is your choice alone whether that information comes to light or not."_

"_I might lie for fun, though. You don't mind?"_

"_I'd prefer you to be discreet, but truthfully I don't really mind. Many have forgotten what the Shinrabanshou can do. The chances of finding another that knows in these lands would be one in ten million since the existence of the Shinrabanshou is actually a myth here."_

"_Hmm, okay. So I just have to look after him? Uzumaki Naruto… He has the same birthday as me(6)."_

"_Yes, he does. You will do it, though, right?"_

"_Of course. It is what we agreed upon. After all, I am Tokubetsu Jounin(7) Rokujou Miharu, a ninja of Konoha.")_

The people in white masks with blood painted on their faces (In the shapes of animals; beasts, really, except they're silent and so they're not like animals at all no matter how much they pretend to be) watch him through the windows. They are hidden, though they're not hidden from his eyes, but it doesn't really matter to him because Hiruzen already told him what they are and what their duty his.

He gives the apartment an once-over, noticing that there's already food in the pantries and fridge, toiletries in the bathroom, clothes and bedding in the bedroom, and is satisfied with it. He leaves the apartment, locking the door behind him, and heads to the library (And the people with white faces and red make-up follow him like white shadows and he ignores them because he's not supposed to notice them.)

It is a sunny day and it is cloudless and he spends the rest of it poring over books of history and ninjutsu, taijutsu and genjutsu, and everything else that needs his utmost attention. He absorbs it like a sponge, takes it in and drinks it up like sweet honey and spicy wine and _he knows_.

(And something still tastes like it's rotting in his mouth even though he could, maybe, find a way home now.)

He's a prodigy, a genius, and it's obvious that if nothing else, the Shinrabanshou has left its mark forever in him.

(He still wishes his heart had stopped, though, that the air had stopped reaching his lungs, and that his brain had finally stopped thinking once and for all because Yoite is no longer here anymore.)

—

6: And in the morning, I meet someone who looks like a friend of mine.

—

It's in the morning that Miharu finally gets to meet Uzumaki Naruto and it makes his heart skip a beat when he finds out that Naruto is a bit like Raimei (Her hair-color was more pale blonde than shocking yellow and her eyes were a warm brown than a childish sky blue, but it's the mannerisms and the behavior that reminds Miharu that the boy is like his second cousin(8). They're both upbeat and have a lot of energy and are fun, but it makes his heart twinge knowing that he might not get to see Raimei again.)

Their first meeting is too early in the morning and too loud (Too many knocks on the door and it's only 6 A.M. and who exclaims first thing when they meet someone, "Hey, hey, old hag! I need to borrow some milk and—wait, you're not the old lady," anyway?) It's full of misunderstandings and weird, but he knows how to work around it enough that the boy understands who he is ("I'm joining your team. The old lady here moved to a retirement home.") and eats a decent breakfast ("I was already cooking mine. You might as well join me.")

The boy is nice enough and talks enough for the both of them as they eat their buttered pancakes, eggs, bacon, toast, milk, and orange juice, and so Miharu doesn't mind at all when the boy suggests that they go together to the training grounds to meet the team. They're going to the same destination, anyway, so he might as well agree.

He nods his head in affirmation with Naruto helping put the dishes away with him and they're off together holding bento boxes in a bag between them enough for lunch (The boy in a bright orange jumpsuit and blue ninja sandals and he himself in the Fuuma village uniform. They're a sight to see, Miharu knows, and the thought brings a soft smile to his face.)

—

7: The colors remind me of people I used to know.

—

It's just a coincidence that the people he meets reminds him so much of people he used to know.

The people before him are all on a bright vermilion-colored bridge, a running stream flowing softly underneath it. Hatake Kakashi looks vaguely like Koichi, their hair pigments being almost in the same color but not really what with Kakashi-sensei's hair being more gray than white while Koichi's was almost blinding in its hue. Haruno Sakura's hair is a vibrant bubblegum pink color, not unlike Raikou-san's even though Raikou-san's was more of a deep pink than anything else.

It's the last one that gets Miharu.

The boy, all dark hair and pale skin, reminds him of Gau surprisingly. Besides the appearance of similar colors, there's nothing that really connects Uchiha Sasuke with Gau. Gau was utterly devoted to Raikou—Sasuke was more self-centered from what Miharu could see by observing the younger boy's body language. Gau was an idealist and actually cared about the world—Sasuke looked like he could care less about things in general that didn't involve him. The differences are appalling and not at all appreciated, but there's nothing that Miharu really can do about it but snub the black-haired boy.

Uchiha Sasuke may hold a cold façade, but he was not anywhere near being indifferent like Miharu himself. The younger boy was like a river frozen in winter: On the surface, frozen and unmoving, but underneath were running water currents that roared and screamed in rage.

Naruto jogs up to the three people before Miharu and Miharu can't help but think that the colors that he sees reminds him of people he used to know.

Miharu smiles, sparkling and dazzling, and introduces himself sweetly (And in the back of his mind, the smell of forget-me-nots waft in like mist in the morning.)

—

8: Mundane is mundane and everyday is everyday.

—

His main mission is to watch over Uzumaki Naruto, but he is still part of Team 7 and so he participates, too, in their missions. Kakashi-sensei is nothing like Tobari-sensei (A brief pang of hurt aches at this thought, but the feeling quickly passes and Miharu once again ignores what's in his heart), usually simply staying in the background to read an orange-colored book and only occasionally partaking in some of the D-ranked missions. Naruto complains about wanting missions that actually improve their skills as ninjas while Sakura yells at Naruto for being inconsiderate and Sasuke once in awhile adding his own two cents, though both silently agreed with Naruto.

Personally, he didn't mind the missions; they were like the chores he used to do for his grandma—getting groceries from the store, helping out with the cooking, managing the restaurant, weeding the garden out back—and it's sort of nice and nostalgic knowing that this place sort of feels like home even though it's not because of the redundancy of it.

He doesn't mind and just smiles cutely when Naruto asks him how he can stand it and he simply replies:

"It's sort of fun."

Three pairs of eyes look incredulously at him—blue, green, and black (Like the colors of a butterfly's wings)—and the background behind him twinkles. Kakashi-sensei snorts in the background, his one visible eye laughing in delight, and Miharu smiles a smile full of secrets.

(His whole body covered in an invisible chakra and Miharu practices his chakra control constantly on their missions, all five senses on overdrive, so fine-tuned and thin like a second layer of skin, never wasting one moment to train and improve.)

—

9: And you stretch me like a rubber band.

—

Eventually, though, he has to reveal his mission in order to successfully do it. It happens on a normal day, the regular routine of catching Tora-chan, that the incident happens.

Naruto whines in a way that's sort of like how Gau is with his short fuse and it's interesting to watch how someone who looks like Raimei acts like Gau. It's sort of funny, to Miharu anyway, so he doesn't mind much if at all.

It's the other members, though, who seem to have a problem.

It's obvious from how Kakashi-sensei's right pinkie twitches sometimes and Sasuke's more than derogatory remarks become more commonplace when he gets the chance to snipe at Naruto. He gets worried that he might actually have to step in between them and Naruto, but it's Sakura who breaks the camel's back.

Naruto catches Tora-chan, getting more than just his fair share of scratches, and yells in indignation at what they're forced to do when they're already full-fledged ninjas.

Sakura screams like a banshee (Nothing at all like Raikou-san who was either calm and smiling or just plain deadly like a true assassin) and she moves to bop Naruto on the back of his head.

This is when he snaps (Because even though Raimei and him sometimes teased Koichi mercilessly or even when the three of them ganged up on Tobari-sensei, none of them had ever actually tried to _hurt_ each other. The only time it happened was when he lost control and Koichi had done it for him and everyone else.)

This is his breaking point and Miharu can't help but think they deserve it (Especially the girl.)

He moves, as swift as the wind (Because he is the wind since he has power over all of the gogyou(9) and he is the Shinrabanshou's vessel. He is everything and nothing, tightly winded and loose, and he is the Word and Mother Nature) and takes the girl's wrist in a vice-grip.

He smiles indulgently, no emotion in his dark forest-green eyes, and he is the world.

(Silence and the girl is in shock. Miharu's blood sings, fey-like in his innocence, and he knows that if the Shinrabanshou was still within him, she would quite wholeheartedly agree with his action.)

—

10: I'm not sorry for doing what's right.

—

His real mission is revealed and so he fails, but he can't find himself regretting it at all. He's not sorry that his hold on the girl's wrist leaves a bruise and he's not sorry that Naruto looks at him betrayed and forlorn, confusion and hurt written all over his face.

"Why?" The blonde boy asks, desperate for an answer, for anything at all. The others want to ask, too, especially the black-haired boy, but none of them say anything because they know they might just be adding fuel to the fire that Sakura started. Kakashi knows (Not sensei anymore because Miharu knows he has to leave now), but he won't tell because the mission's perimeters only allows Miharu to hold all the cards.

He doesn't hold back any punches:

"Because you are a vessel of a Word and I am the vessel of the World."

(And beneath, under layers of skin, bones, and blood, warmth and fear spreads in the pit of Naruto's stomach, and Miharu knows that the Kyuubi knows that Miharu will always come out on top.)

Rokujou Miharu is not sorry at all and will never apologize for doing the right thing. He is ten out of ten and he will always win.

(I am Justice, I am the Law, I am the Judge, I am the Shield, I am the Sword, I am the Scale, the Heart and Feather, and I am the World. Bow before me for I am your God.)

—

11: I saw it all coming from a mile away.

—

He's kicked off, he figured as much, but it makes him wonder if it's such a wise decision for Hiruzen to do so what with the C-ranked mission Team 7 is going on. He doesn't really worry, though, because he knows that the Kyuubi will do all that it takes to keep Naruto alive, now that the Shinrabanshou's vessel appeared. A previous holder of it, but still, a breathing and living one and he knows it scares the Kyuubi beyond everything else it knows because only the true vessels that the Shinrabanshou recognizes actually get to see another day. Vessels like him become a mark, a sign, a child of the very sky and earth, the image of the Shinrabanshou, and the Kyuubi knows that he can seal it forever if he wanted to.

Hiruzen knows, too, but dares not wish for it because he knows the consequences of doing so (The Shinrabanshou had its own ways of granting wishes and it literally and figuratively redefines the saying, "Be careful what you wish for. It might just come true.")

He spends his days in the library and bookstores learning, soaking up information, read and heard. He is not called the Professor's Apprentice for nothing and learning is as easy as eating, as effortless as breathing, and he doesn't need to think at all as he learns, all of it coming to him in waves, tidal waves, and they come as fast as they recede.

(His favorite to learn is the jutsu learned by the iryou-nin, the medic-nin that cure people. He runs and chases after the shadows of sickness, the weakness of illness because it's _YoiteYoiteYoite_ and he misses him. A 14-year-old shouldn't feel like this, but it hurts _so much_.)

He traces words into the dirt, the walls, the ground, the earth, and wishes his messages could reach the people he loves (Because they're not dead—he's just lost, sidetracked, and he's going to go back home soon—soon, soon, soon, as far as it takes to reach the moon.) Days and nights pass and the studies are still _not enough_.

(He traces, photos and letters on the breeze, and wonders if he'll ever be able to go home.)

—

12: The more things change the more they stay the same.

—

Naruto comes back, different yet still the same. He's more aware, notices things better, but there are things that stay the same like the fact that he still needs to be looked after and still needs a decent meal wedged in somehow.

It's in the little things—a darker shade of blue in his eyes, more blather about nonsense hiding grief—but it's the fact that he notices the ANBU outside his window that Miharu understands what has happened.

"What…are they like?" The younger boy asks tentatively, a strange look on his face—unfamiliar yet familiar at the same time.

"They are like white shadows in a colorful place, white doves on a tropical island or sea gulls on the mainland. They stick out." Miharu says patiently, his hand vaguely in the direction of the ANBU outside. He goes by the window, waves at them, and they flit away like a haze.

(And in between the empty spaces, Miharu thinks even this place is the same. Too crowded and too empty at the same time.)

He washes the dishes and Naruto finishes his okonomiyaki quietly.

(The silence between them is suffocating and Miharu feels like something is rotting inside when the knowledge that Naruto knows what one of them had been like is somewhere floating in his mind.)

—

13: What is it about you that makes me love you so?

—

Nighttime is the best for reminiscing and it is in the night that Miharu lets himself think of Yoite.

It's in these moments that he lets himself go to _think_ and just **feel**.

Miharu loves Yoite. He loves him so much. But Yoite hadn't wanted to live. He hadn't wanted to die, either. He had wanted to be erased and therefore, forgotten, and it hurts Miharu to think that his feelings weren't enough for Yoite—that his love wasn't enough, that _he_ wasn't enough for Yoite to still be here in this world.

They had been two lonely people in a world that was too big, too huge, too _much_, and they had connected in a way no one else could have understood. _Yoite, Yoite, Yoite, _Miharu repeats like a broken record, a holy prayer, a perverse curse as he curls into himself on his bed that literally swallows him. The name tastes like ashes in his mouth and it is bitter, it is hatred, it is **love**, and Miharu loves Yoite so much that he would have done anything for him.

(He makes the Night Wind's wish come true and he is left with nothing but memories that may or may not be real.)

It hurts, these moments, hurts in a way that burns yet is ice cold because it's heartache which cripples him, which tears him apart and leaves him wanting in a way nothing else has ever made him wanted anything else before. It kills him, pains him in a way that make him feel alive, and it's the words that slip out of his mouth like a mantra that makes his situation seem to come to life.

('Yoite,' he thinks, "Yoite," he says, and in his soul the walls are painted with words and numbers of another time where he was the king of the world and everyone else were his subjects with questionable motives. He had been the White King and Yoite had been the Black Pawn turned Queen and he can't help but wonder what a life would have been like if the White King and the Black Queen had lived together hand-in-hand.)

The night is long, but Miharu knows that his thoughts are longer and can go on forever.

(_"Don't forget me, never leave me," _Yoite's voice contradictorily whispers in his dreams, the taste of rot lingering on Miharu's lips like how cooking oil remains even after being burned in a pan of fire.)

—

14: You question me and I answer you, "I am the Fool."

—

Time flies and the Chuunin Exams come in a burst of summer and a flare of heat. Team 7 participates, but it's only at the third stage of them that Naruto asks a question from him that has nothing at all to do with them.

"Yoite…did he…like you?" The words tumble out, tripping over each other like gangly feet, stammered out in hesitation and uncertainty. It's the first time Miharu sees Naruto falter and it's a sight to see.

Their sort of relationship is strange in that they're friendly enough to talk to each other, but still awkward in subjects that aren't really brought up, like love. They're friends, good friends that they eat meals together and help each other, but they have their spaces.

It surprises Miharu a bit, since they never really talk about people they like, what with the incident involving Sakura, but he answers anyway.

"He didn't like me. Not like that."

It's the truth, the cold hard fact, and it hurts, but he's learned how to be indifferent a long time ago, to ignore the twinge in his heart so much that it's a practiced gesture now. It's not healthy, he knows, because it's a self-inflicted disease, this heartache, but he also knows that time doesn't heal all wounds—just makes it worse—and knows there's nothing that he can do about it unless he wants to help himself first (That's the first step to recovery, actually _wanting_ to help yourself, and Miharu knows just like how Yousei-san(10) knows all the answers to the universe that this was where Yoite's wish had began.)

Silence falls between them, like a rain cloud, and the atmosphere is heavy with shadows hovering above both of them. He knows that he should be rooting for Naruto, tell him, "Good luck!" for his next Exam because that's what a good friend does, but he can't because he still wants to go home, still wants to go back there Yoite had been, where _Yoite_ had existed.

Naruto grabs his left hand tightly (The hand which is closer to his heart, his small, tired _heart_), not letting go, and Miharu knows, if nothing else, that he's a horrible friend, if not the worse.

(They stay like that for hours, hands clasping the other's, and they are two lonely people in a place that no one could ever understand the Words of the World.)

—

15: Come with me and we'll be a family.

—

It's ridiculously easy countering Hiruzen's student's Kuchiyose: Edo Tensei(11), so much that it makes him want to laugh if it weren't for his contract with Hiruzen. It's priceless, the Snake Sannin's face, the shock and horror when all he does is simply throw his arms out, spreading them wide as though they are wings, and smiles devilishly as he sings all of the songs created by the world.

(And the first to go is a dark pink-haired girl at one of the corners of this enclosed space of poison and flame. No human can stand the Voice of God and she screams as the words which spill forth from his mouth come to life. The purple box falls down, word slithering like snakes, killing the four pillars immediately.)

He is the Shinrabanshou, Mother Nature given physical form, and all it takes is one word from his mouth for the two Hokage who have been resurrected to obey his command.

"Come." (And they come to him like children would when answering a call from their mother, following his word as though he was their God—he, their beloved King, and they, the loyal subjects.)

He smirks as they kneel before him (Power thrumming and purring underneath his skin) and motions them to stand before him. Both Hiruzen and Orochimaru stay still in the background, watching in fascination and dread at the proceedings before them.

("Won't you exist for me?" He whispers enticingly, their heads lowered so that he could caress their faces gently like a mother would as she wipes the blood off her children's faces after a boyish scuffle. The Shodaime and the Nidaime's (Yoite's) eyes stare intensely back at him, their answer already written in their eyes.)

He is the Child King and he rules with iron fists, his children (His knights, his guards, his messengers) doing his very bidding, and he watches with parental pride and a benevolent smile on his lips as they tear everything down that threatens his life.

(He is the Universe and they are his Stars falling upon the earth, forget-me-nots and rot mixing into one being and one verse.)

—

16: I hurt myself today to see if I still feel pain.

—

The Invasion ends and he burns out.

It doesn't surprise him that after exerting all that power that he simply collapses on the ground in the end. It was expected, really, since all the other times he used the Shinrabanshou he ended up like this (Though it was definitely strange that he was conscious this time, but then again, it could just be that he didn't actually have the Shinrabanshou anymore but rather was the Shinrabanshou—the watered-down version, anyway.) What _was_ surprising was what happened after.

Just as his face was about to meet the dirt (Almost making him laugh because it's been a long time since he'd been this clumsy), a man's hand flashes out, wrapping a tanned arm around his waist, and brings him straight up against a red-armored chest plate (The Shodaime's, if he remembered correctly.)

It's hard, the chest, and everything about the older man is manly that it would have made Miharu blush if his heart wasn't already set on Yoite and his attitude wasn't so indifferent (Really, having crushes on older men. Then again, if his grandma was here, he was sure that she would wholeheartedly approve and even support him.) He doesn't really know what to do in this kind of situation (After all, he _had_ just manipulated the older man in doing his will without so much a by-your-leave—very rude if Miharu did say so himself), but he still had to thank the man (He lost control once his power ran out so it didn't hurt to at least be polite to the man he made as his puppet who could now literally rip him apart.)

His feet are swept off the ground, though, and before he knows it, he's in the brunette's arms being carried bridal-style and off to God knows where as the older man jumps off the roof and heads toward some unknown location. He knows the blue-armored man is following right behind them, feeling the white shaggy-haired man's presence (A heated blush imperceptibly appearing on his cheeks, a pink flush that would most likely be mistaken for him getting sick), and he buries his head against the red-armored man's chest in mortification at these feelings of his.

He thinks he can feel a smile from the brunette, but ignores it in favor of his newfound feelings for the undead.

—

17: And you could have it all if you said you will fall.

—

It's hard, knowing that now he's responsible for the lives of others, two to be exact, but it's even harder knowing that there's a doppelganger of Yoite here.

He knows that with his stunt during the Invasion that now the Shodaime and the Nidaime (Hashirama and Tobirama, respectively) are now tied to him, dependent since he is their anchor (Their Master, their Ruler, their Emperor), and he takes responsibility for it because he knows that if he doesn't, someone else will.

(Hiruzen's Council hadn't been happy at all, but Hiruzen had been firm, taking no talkbacks from them, refusing immediately for any of them to fight over the two newly resurrected Hokage. He had kept quiet, knowing that Hiruzen knew exactly what he was capable of, and so did the two Elders and Shimura because even they knew not to push Hiruzen when he got like this.)

It's the appearance of Uchiha Itachi, though, that throws everything off-track and out there.

He had just been walking along by the river (With Hashirama and Tobirama allowed to do anything they want since he was their "God" and he gave them free will—meaning, they weren't with him right now) that he came across a fighting scene.

It had been so weird, so surreal, that personally, he wasn't sure at all how he ended up in front of Itachi (It may have been that he had jumped onto the river when a sword suddenly swung at him from nowhere, Kurenai-san and Asuma-san's faces pained but relieved, and that Kakashi-san had moved out of the way so as not to get hit by him, but he wasn't exactly sure since it had all been instinct.)

It was odd, standing in front of a kinslayer (Though he did know the truth of the matter, but he wasn't about to tell _anyone_ about that), but it had been the eyes which had gotten to him.

They had been pitch black, both iris and pupil the same color, and it had shocked him so much that he had involuntarily let a comment out, déjà vu practically creeping up his spine.

"Your eyes…they're like Yoite's." (So dead yet so alive and so, _so_ dark like the bottom of a lake. Desperate yet calm, like the eye of the storm or a kite up in the air with a broken string.)

Miharu stares and he drowns in them and doesn't want to come up at all for air.

(Of all the people he had met so far, Uchiha Itachi reminds Miharu of Yoite the most and it's disconcerting to know that he still clings onto the afterimages of Yoite even though he's long gone by now.)

Tobirama and Hashirama had Yoite's eyes, too (The dedication, the loyalty, the-not-love, the "Until death do us part"—), but they don't look like him, not like how Itachi does in the flesh—pale skin and crow hair, soulless eyes and exhaustion in every movement. They're not _sick_, not ill at all, and even though he hates losing, he can't let go of Yoite yet, let go of Banten, Fuuma, or even Kairoushuu because it's all he has of his past left. Names of people he used to know, faded photographs in his mind and even more faded colors, and though he doesn't really want to remember anything at all, he's broken in a way that's beyond repair.

(This is what Yoite (Sora) has done to him, heartache and burnt, black flesh, his body growing and dying, birth day and death day in one space, and Miharu doesn't regret anything at all because Yoite is the best thing that has ever happened to him.)

Black eyes swirl into red, black sickles of death, and a pale arm tears Miharu out of his trance, snarls and scowls coming out of Tobirama's mouth, white arms wrapped protectively around the petite forest green-eyed boy.

(Surprise, his breath knocked right out of him, and Miharu falls unconscious and into oblivion to the sight of his chariots standing in front of him, castles and walls preventing their prince from leaving his self-proclaimed ivory tower of indifference.)

—

18: I am not enough.

—

When he comes to, he wakes up to the feeling of two full-grown men desperately clinging onto him like their last lifeline or their weakest link in a chain. Tanned and pale arms wrapped around him, cocooning him like the chrysalis of a caterpillar turning butterfly or layers upon layers of blankets in the coldest days of winter (And they exist, if only for him. To hold him and love him and never ever let go if they had something to say about it.)

Rokujou Miharu wakes up to his life, the taste of rot at the tip of his tongue, stark memories of forget-me-nots wafting in like the smoke from an opium pipe, and wishes he could be enough for once.

(He is the World, and he has been dying ever since his birth.)

They swallow him, suffocate him and drown him like water and smoke, and he lets them because he is the one who wears the red rose crown with envy green thorns, the one remembers everything and wonders who he has become.

(I am the Prince and the Pauper, the Sign and the Rune, the World to their Dust, and still I know, _I know_, that I'm still not enough.)

Black eyes shine in his mind's eye and Miharu knows what he's always known from the start—

(I am not the Sky's earth.)

His back arches—pale on tanned, pale on pale—and he is on top of the world.

(I am what's Yours and I am what's Mine, I am Everything and Nothing, Anything and Something and I am—I am—)

(I am the _World_.)

—

A/N: In case you don't understand, Miharu doesn't have the Shinrabanshou anymore, but since he was the previous vessel for it, he still has some characteristics pertaining to it. He's like a physical manifestation of it, but a weaker version since he was originally a human. Anyway, footnotes ahoy!

(1) Shinrabanshou literally means "All Things in Nature" when translated from Japanese to English. It's a hijutsu (A "secret technique") that's said to be capable of controlling both the Nabari world and the surface world.

(2) Haru, when directly translated from Japanese to English, means "spring". The reason why the 3rd Hokage called Miharu this was because Miharu was found in the spring, but the people who found him couldn't find any identification info that they could associate Miharu with. I chose Haru because it was already in Miharu's name and that it would be easier to use rather than Nanashi (Which means "nameless") or Rei (Which means "zero".)

(3) Senbon are needles.

(4) This quote was said once by Yoite to Miharu.

(5) The God of Shinobi, "Shinobi no Kami", is a nickname of Sarutobi Hiruzen's. The Professor was also another one of his monikers.

(6) In his character profile in chapter 5 of the Nabari no Ou manga, it's stated that Miharu's birthday is on the 10th of October, which, coincidentally, is the same date as Naruto's birthday.

(7) Literally, Tokubetsu Jounin means "Specialized high-level ninja". Their rank is above Chuunin but below Jounin.

(8) It's revealed in chapter 64 that Raimei and Miharu are actually second cousins.

(9) Gogyou means "five elements" which are water, air, fire, earth, and metal.

(10) Yousei-san, when translated from Japanese, means "Miss Fairy". This was Miharu's name for the Shinrabanshou inside him.

(11) Kuchiyose: Edo Tensei means "Summoning: Impure World Resurrection".


End file.
